Category Archives: News

Burley Idaho Man Accused Of… I Think I’m Gonna Puke

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“Man Accused of Injuring 2-Year-Old Daughter” was the story released today by KTVB, Idaho’s local news station. As you begin to read throught the article, you’ll quickly realize that KTVB got the title wrong. The girl is 2 MONTHS old.

“A man (Skyler W. Garner) from the southern Idaho town of Burley is set for a preliminary hearing this week after prosecutors say he injured his 2-month-old daughter.” – KTVB reports.

The story goes on to say…

“Garner was charged after the baby was taken to a Burley hospital and diagnosed with broken ribs and a punctured lung. Records from the Cassia County sheriff’s office state the infant also had multiple older injuries, including rib fractures and a fractured vertebra.

Investigators say Garner told them that the couple’s 1-year-old child may have caused the infant’s injuries by jumping on her, or that their dog could have injured the baby.”

Go to KTVB.com to read the full story.

Now, I’m a proud American and I firmly believe in our right to remain innocent until proven guilty. With that said, this son-of-a-bitch is trying to say it was the dog. Okay, let’s just go with that and say it was the dog. There are a few questions that would still need explaining, like: What the hell kind of dog do you have, some sort of Elephant/Grate Dane cross? And, WHY do you still have it after the first time “it” fractured your newborn baby’s ribs?

This is one of those stories that jerk me around like I’m on the losing end of a tug-o-war rope. I want to storm into the child services building, sobbing like a baby, arms open wide like the last scene in any good romance film. I’d holler out for this little one as I run frantically through the halls, “It’s okay sweetheart, I’m here to take care of you. I’m gonna love you, and hug you, and kiss you, and cuddle you. You’re safe now!” I’d swoop the baby up, wrap her up nice and tight, then take her home with me where I’d rock her for days until she felt safe again.

I’m fairly certain that plan would land me a spot in the cell right next to daddy-dearest, though… so I’d best come up with another one.

I don’t know Skyler, but do I think he did it? Yup. Do I think he’d do it again if given the chance? Yup. Do I think he needs to be put away for a good LONG time (like, say, 18 years?). Yup. No one that can look at a 2 month old child and not just abuse her and cause her pain, but break her ribs and puncture her lung, deserves to see the light of day.

Now, where’s that elephant dog? I’d like to test it’s ability on Skyler. For investigative reasons, of course.

When Capitalism Wasn’t Up For Debate – I Miss You, America

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I Miss…

When ordering fried chicken didn’t earn you a disapproving stare.

When treating your child to a happy meal was innocent.

When parents were parents and friends were friends.

When telling your child “no” without having to offer explanation or talk about feelings was just part of being a parent.

When “One Nation Under God” was proudly belted out every morning in every classroom from California to New York.

When a child misbehaving didn’t require a therapist.

When being stuffed in a garbage can at school was just part of growing up and didn’t require government intervention or a nationally funded campaign.

When popping the kid that stuffed you in a garbage can right in the “kisser” didn’t earn you a juvenile record but instead a trip to the Principal’s office and a call home.

When giving spankings was considered being an involved and attentive parent.

When fruit loops weren’t considered child abuse.

When a smart mouth was hushed by a bar of soap.

When shouting “Just wait until your father gets home!” or “Don’t make me bend you over my knee!” didn’t have the neighbors dialing 911.

When “stand by your man” didn’t end with “so long as…”

When homosexuality wasn’t deemed “hip” or trendy but was simply a sexual preference.

When boys had to call girls for a date, not the other way around.

When acting like a lady was considered honorable and not a sign of weakness.

When sex education consisted of condoms and bananas and didn’t require the Kama-Sutra.

When all teachers had to do was teach, not parent.

When “you look nice today” didn’t earn you a spot in the unemployment line and signing a hefty settlement check.

When women didn’t take offense to men that open their door and simply said “thank you” with a smile.

When play dates didn’t require an appointment book.

When humans had more rights than pets.

When protecting your family was an open and shut case and didn’t require an attorney and legal fees.

When “turning green” meant you need to see a doctor.

When “Made In America” meant designed, assembled, distributed, sold, and serviced in America.

When grandpa’s said “You can be anything you want to be if you work hard and want it bad enough” and kids didn’t disregard the “work hard” part.

When needing milk and hardware meant you had to go to two different stores.

When being proud to be white wasn’t a sin and proud to be anything else didn’t constitute reason for a parade.

When scholarships were given for academics & financial hardships, not skin color or gender.

When “equal rights” didn’t mean favoritism but, simply meant just that: Equal.

When we had a president that was proud to be American.

When capitalism was simply what we are, what we were founded upon, and not up for debate.

I miss you, America.